hee my brother, mom, dad, unknown guy and aunt.

team nepal is sadly not going to reunite in europe cos he's pangsehed us, fuzzy, and you too, jo.

but i love my brother anyway.

yes chim i do the same thing, just so you know. i type in posts and then delete them. because, i dunno...but then sometimes you think if not here then where? esp since we are all leading such busy disparate lives that we can't keep up with ourselves, much less with others. or sometimes its just easier not to. i dunno.
so school is starting tomorrow for me and i'm itching to begin. weather is fantastic; i dunno why i was so bloody cold this time last year. i'm so happy for uni to begin i'm no longer afraid of the french anymore, which says a lot, i guess, of how much i need to be occupied. such restlessness.
ok hope all of you are good. could say more but the thought process involved in weighing the need to articulate against the need to keep things private possesses the sole direction of a downward spiral right now.
a bientot, et gros bisous a tous! (see you later, and big kisses to all : although i would NEVER sign off this way in english. ever. but i just had to translate it for practical reasons)



my french class, above.

there's something therapeutic about swaying hips, both watching and doing.

i keep on writing and then deleting entries - somehow not too comfortable typing like i did last sem

but i really want to thank you shup, so i didn't delete the previous one

thank you jo and fuzz too for your emails and msns - it was really good that day jo, looking forward to seeing you in dec

dec! next week's killer, but off to upenn i go for the conference, then it's la and death valley. how's the tranport thing going shup?? are we meeting you in sf or bakersfield? then it's finals, and europe! where did 4 months go?

there's something alarming about the way time is speeding up

soon it'll be our last breath, then what?

thanks shup, for being there that night when i really needed to tell someone what i told you; didn't realize that it ate me up inside every week, every time i got the call that turned the world screwy and scary, until you listened

was burstful with angry contempt and disappointment, but like i told shup, very determined too to be happy, and ashamed to be so harsh on you who're only human after all. there're other things that don't deserve tears: ice-skating and hip hop and driving; sushi and the boy with the bright eyes and knowing, crooning smile; indonesian food and full monty and beer and ben & jerry's; bad horror movies and possibly more horrific make-up and dancing foolingaround; just plain good company; getting to and staying under pre-berkeley weight (yes!); meeting new people who're as willing to please as you are (and some full of wonderful crap, welcome to the world of public speaking and socializing, forced and pleasurable), finding people who care about kids and work their butts off together for kids =) (oases!), cementing previously tentative friendships (pleaseplease don't let one turn lesbian though); finally kind of knowing and accepting what i want to do with my life - everything seems so clear now, and yes, there's a certain poise deriving from that clarity that radiates solid stability instead of a hurtling after wisps of glory and false grandeur.

blogging feels v reductive, don't you think. how to sum up your life in words? two months have gone by, a year from now will these words and others be all that's remembered about these 60 days? so many words thrown around, so many emotions, expressed and simmering, so many confused tears swallowed and spilled when the call comes from the world across the ocean that's slowly slipping into absurdity.

next month all this will seem like a dream. but for now, i'll just enjoy the boy with the smile and all the right moves, crooning under the soft light.

welcome to my humble abode guys~ open for whoever is in london and in need of a roof over your head. anyway post pics of where u guys r right now ok? haha... just to document where each of us r at this very moment in time.

need to stop life now, starting to really dislike myself these days. but is this like othello when he split his self and relinquished accountability? must keep on telling myself that i can change all this shit in me because if not, who can?
and we can't spiral out of control the way we're headed now.

on happier things, LA/Death Valley here we come, shup!!!

and fuzzy! i'll most likely be in switzerland on my way back to london from eastern eur. that'll hopefully be after jan 9 when you're back in lausanne.

jo... will i see you in london? i'm hitting there dec 20, leaving for berkeley jan 13, may be in london again slightly earlier than that.

shups says

back from yosemite. it was awesome, and my insignificance was all the more keenly felt.

hiked up the sentinel dome at 5 am to catch the magnificent sunrise.

chimpy i am calling you TONIGHT. keep 15mins of your busy life free for me!
fuzzy dear, thanks for the msn today. me is no prude. me has values :)
jojo, have fun with school! (it has finally started for you right?!)