someday i'll be swallowed up by numbers

and you will not see me anymore. rarrrrrrr. makes life worse when there is a hugeass pile of readings to go with the numbers. pfffffffffft.

anyway, on brighter things. i love the flurry of posts after my MIA accusation haha. is jo somewhere in amsterdam now? i vaguely remember amsterdam in her spring break plans.

fuzzy, what's happening with your arm? i thought it recovered? i still wish i managed to see snow in SD, and i miss bundling up cos of the cold and the warm hugs. rather than the humidity here. and im still trying to figure out if it rains everyday here, or every 2 days as i remember from the past. it seems to be raining every single day and i haaaaaaaaaate rain.

list 0f places for you to visit chim. you're going at a damn good time, so NO SHOPPING MALLS PLEASE.
1. surfing!!!!!!!!! go to mission beach, ocean beach or pacific beach and flirt your way to a surfboard or instructor. have brunch at the little shops on the boardwalk and look out at the pacific ocean and think about swimming to japan. with a stopover in hawaii. oh yeah drive down via PCH so that you can see all the OC beaches!
2. go to the anza borrego desert? hike up cowles mountain? haha. i dont know! you have the beaches and mountains and deserts in SD so just pick and choose. umm i dunno if df will want to do those with you though! hah.
3. go partyinng. end of finals, so just drive near sdsu area and crash any party. they'll be so dead drunk they wont care.
4. if you have to go shopping, go to the outlets.
5. aiya just enjoy the endless hours of sunshine and NO RAIN and warmth and beautiful blond people.
6. seaworld and the zoo which i didnt go to. and the lovely balboa park.
7. go downtown and little italy and eat yummy food.

you've seen my pics yeah? gives you an idea of the places. i wanna go back so bad! zomgggg.

onward to finals :(

for you fuzzy, who can't really float around free outside now, but can inside still. to evolution and the death of absolutes and change for you, shup. to jo my dear probably sunning somewhere. oh no.. are you alone at your place fuzzy? don't trust the nhs!!

Stripped
you're beginning to float free
up through the smoke of bushfires
and incinerators
the unleafed branches won't hold you
nor the radar aerials

You're what the autumn knew would happen
after the last collapse
of primary colour
once the last absolutes were torn to pieces
you could begin

How you broke open, what sheathed you
until this moment
I know nothing about it
my ignorance of you amazes me
now that I watch you
starting to give yourself
away to the wind

(Adrienne Rich)

heya, no i'm not roaming... the only place exotic i'm going to is the district hospital these days (it has a different postal code you guys) .. have two appointments lined up this week.. getting physio, getting re-x-rayed.. stuff like that.
it snowed today. we're back into negatives, and i'm getting ill from the drastic change. the weather these days really disgusts me, i cannot describe the feeling of being utterly demoralised by a seemingly trivial thing.
hmmph.
onward to better days!
i sound like a bad hallmark card gone communist.
or a bad school logo. same thing.
><

hey sorry shup yes MIA, inching towards spring break, recovering from midterm season = doing nothing that strains my brain at all.
i'm going to san diego after finals! staying 2 nights with ex-roomie at her house =) which is what you did last sem.. hopefully she'll take me to nice sunny beaches instead of the shopping malls she took you to hehe
on a totally different note, must bitch about people who won't stop trying to interfere in my life..damnit focus on yourself please you've no authority to tell me how to live/think/feel it's hard enough trying to figure out the way ahead without all the noise interference creates. ok. bitching out of the system.
now it's all about meeting clarissa and jun wan (413 people) in glorious glorious freezing chicago.
midterm break over shup?
fuzzy i hope you're resting well, i don't see you online anymore! does this mean you're roaming around??

lets travel!!! after all our internships, at the end of july maybe? i'm so damn sian from all the projects and attempts to study! vietnam's calling out to me, even if only cos cambodia and myanmar sound more dangerous. beef pho...... and i dont know what else there is actually.

but its the middle of the night and beef pho sounds good enough for a very hungry me. im waiting to say goodbye to my bro who's going to taiwan for some army thing, the lucky thing. what would i give to go to taiwan and not take finals? at the moment, quite a lot.

in other matters, im going to intern at de.loitte this summer, after all that whining bout internship apps. not what i wanted, but its still pretty good and i suppose i shld be grateful. so yeahhhh.

hm. the shilin market in taiwan has yummy food i heard. or back to hongkong for dimsummmmmmm. mmmm. i just want good food. POKE. wake up, my cheeky travel buddies!

[poland, 2007]

end of term now, stay happy everyone.

As I read about the details that make up an understanding of China, I’m somehow reminded of sitting once every year in my room, sifting through the piles of scraps that I tossed into boxes or drawers for keepsake. Moments in the past would then come alive, and I’d bask in old happinesses, or squirm again at old follies. As I grew older, and wished to shake off the yoke of emotions and words and images that threatened to cobweb the present, the yearly ritual became more of a spring-cleaning, to throw away what I didn’t need to live in the onrushing days, to clear a messy-enough life of unnecessary clutter. Now, I miss the homely mustiness of faded paper and ink.

But the new is calling, I cannot go back anymore, this is getting clearer all the time. i still stash away ticket stubs and notes from others out of habit, but there's less need to live in the past now, with a sense of a present that i can live in being created now. i'm avoiding the h-word, cos i don't want to jinx the crazily savory nourishy days now - i'm unused to such richness after so many months of barrenness. i wish:

shup, that you'll be at peace soon, and that we could have your time here all over again, except this time i'll be a better friend who was just a phonecall away but now can't hear your voice anytime soon (ok the months will fly by, and then we can retro tog if you like)

jo, that we started writing to each other earlier, but i'm thankful we're writing this sem =) glad you liked your gift, sorry it's late!

fuzzy, that your wrist heals ASAP ie STAY AWAY FROM ICE, TREES, BOARDS TO SLIDE ON, so that we can have more adventures to wonder about our existence (how can 2 bumbly people be in harmony with the big bad world out there with all those inconvenient trees/cobblestoned streets + roller luggage)

hello hello, i hardly check this blog anymore so i was surprised to chance upon your post. i miss you sooooooo much chimpy, and of cos jojo and fuzzy too. jo- i remember what you said bout us hanging out together more this summer! and your boy was in the papers a couple of days ago :) fuzzy- i miss how we used to msn so often when i was in usa! take care of your injuries..

life is pretty sucky now, im sure ive mentioned it to you guys sometime or another this year. just trying to get on with things and finish this semester off as painlessly as possible. no point ranting here, so i'll just leave you with a picture from my friend's retro party. none of us are looking too retro yeah.

oh come back soon. summer sounds so appealing, with you guys back and me having to worry only about my internship.

self(=other)-hood

words are sharpening my sense of self, and at the same time letting me discover solidarities with others. my jap hist prof should be proud of me. but words aside, it's not easy, this self-finding business. learning limitations of ability, of heart, of spirit = collapse of whatever stupid illusions i had of myself before.

but this honesty makes it easier to live well day-by-day, instead of always planning for the next holiday, the next weekend, the next meal even.

ok, enough vague crap. this is just a brief update, so the blog won't be truly dead =( and i promised my schedule, kind of
singapore m'sian club = big mistake on my part
daily cal (sch newspaper) = experiment in what i think could have been my other life, results not out yet fuzzy, but we'll have another reckoning this summer, yes?
oases = current wonder at how i'll ever be a good teacher with the little devil in my com service grp. i hate him! yes! i hate a kid! and i wish i could be as childish as he is to me, but i continue to try and win his black little heart grrr
urap = like another class, this research program, but superinteresting. academia here i come?? i'm most likely going to try for east asian studies/chinese hist for master's, crazy thought right, considering my history with chinese lang.
classes = arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

back to midterm studying and caffeinated dreaming