insidious waves of homesickness

every time i fall asleep after eating something i get this strange dream where i'm back home and getting ready to leave. I'll somehow end up in a quarrel with my brother and mom and i'll be desperately trying to make up with them because i'll be gone for a while and they're really the people i'm closest to, at which point i wake up and feel really miserable. today is the second time it has happened so far, probably due to the stress of school (so much reading!) and the relative lack of socialising activities as compared to welcome week which distracted me somewhat from the fact that i'm an ocean away from the people i've depended on for 19 years without thinking before about how much i rely on them as my emotional supports. you know how i'm a bitch at home right... well i think it was my way of releasing my angst that i kept inside me while outside of home. and now i'm a mixture of guilt and a longing to go back to those times when my mom would be so nice and understanding. But i cannot look back i guess especially with so much that is giving me grief now. and also it wouldn't be fair to my mom and brother at all if they're onloy my punching bags.

oh well, eat less, sleep more, and hopefully i wouldn't have such horrible dreams.

on a happier note, i really like my history and poetry classes. And i'm looking forward to tutoring kids here on a volunteer basis.